Analysis Is Worse Than Cancer

Today I wonder why life is so trying. I've been through a lot recently. The girl I liked got engaged 3 weeks after returning from her mission, I'm currently in the worst financial mess I have ever been in, and all the while I'm struggling to be a normal person amid the mess that is my life. As I contemplate life, there are a few questions I ask myself repeatedly:

1. Why do nice guys finish last?
2. Why is life so hard for those of us trying to be so good?
3. Why do girls make everything so stinking confusing?

I'm going to try to put my thoughts and feelings about these down (or should I say up) on the internet. I figure it might be thereputic for me and frankly entertaining for anyone who stumbles across this blog.

1. Why do nice guys finish last?

This is a question that has bothered me since I was in 8th grade. Green Day sang a song about it, the lyrics go like this :

Nice guys finish last.
You're running out of gas.
Your sympathy will get you left behind.
Sometimes you're at your best, when you feel the worst.
Do you feel washed up, like piss going down the drain

That danced in my 14 year old brain and has plagued me ever since. Now at the age of 22 I find that to be so stinking true. I think about all of the things that I have gone through, trying to be a good person, doing my best to treat people nicely... and in the end I feel I have only lost out on so many things. The only thing that really helps me cope with the knowledge of my tardiness at coolness is the fact that people like me. That's all that happens.
One phrase though, that will kill me if I ever hear it again from a girl I like is, "You are such a nice guy. You are so good." That raises the question in my mind, "Are you so bad you don't deserve someone as good as me?" (Her words, not mine. I'm not that prideful) I guess I'll get on that subject with question number 3 but WOW.... people amaze me with their thinking sometimes.

2.Why is life so hard for those of us trying to be so good?

Something I have shared repeatedly since I have returned from my mission is a story I heard by Jack Christensen. He talks about going duck hunting with a friend and his dog. They each shoot a duck, and they fall in the lake. The dog passes the duck nearest him, which is dead, and goes after the one kicking in the middle of the lake. His friend turned to him and commented how stupid his dog was. Jack said, "No, you see my dog knows that duck is dead in the water, he'll be there when he gets back. My dog is going after the one still kicking because he knows he can get away.
This applies to the first question as well. Satan goes after the 'good guys' because he knows we can do the most damage. Bad people seem to have everything so easily because they risk no chance of hurting his work. Good people doing good things hurts Satan and his goal. I guess that is the only explanation for that one. I'm told that one day it will all work out and people will get what is coming to them. Sort of the 'cliche' "what goes up must come down" saying. I sure hope so. Life's too long to get kicked on all day for trying to help other people.

3. Why do girls make everything so stinking confusing?

I don't know if anyone can even answer this one. In all honesty, I don't think they can either! All I know is girls make me want to avoid relationships just to avoid the emotion breakdowns, out bursts of frustration and lack of logical reasoning. I think the real key is they ANALYZE everything! Analysis is worse than cancer because it degenerates everything it touches. If people were open with their feelings, and didn't analyze every little thing the other person did, there would be no confusion. If there were no confusion, there would be no chance of mis-communication. Cancer eats away at the body until it has taken over, that is what analyzation does to a relationship. If it is over analyzed instead of lived, it becomes a game of what ifs and in a girl's mind, I assume that consumes the very breath of that relationship until it is extinguished like the embers of a house fire by a pot of water. I think this one will take more thought and more concideration before it's decided completely in my mind, but that's where I'm at so far.

All in all, I don't know if that made any sense, if anyone will read this, or if I am just rambling. But it feels good either way. Let me just openly apologize too, for anyone who reads my thoughts. Good luck at understanding them, I sure don't.
-Phil

Will The Real Phil Hudson Please Stand Up!

Wow, Life is just nuts!
So once again I find myself coming to a crossroads in life. I don't know why I have to be so retarded when it comes to important decisions.. but it seems I am inept in those areas that can allow me the greatest success in life. Be it girls, business, social things, physical well being, I just seem to fall flat on my face every time. I feel like the "Teenage Dirtbag" Weatus sings about. I can't get the girl I want, and the ones I can get.. I just confuse and cause emotional trouble to. I guess that is just how life goes though. I know I have to make that change and when I do.. it will work out better.
I have learned recently that I'm a very lazy person. I have a goal to overcome this by striving to do my best in everything I do. I think that will help me achieve greater success in the long run. I know that being a great man, serving others, and loving with my whole heart are very important.. but I find them hard. I lack in the qualities that make those things possible, or I am to scared to apply them fully. Who knows where Life is taking me, I only hope that I am up for the challenge and can get it to work for me, instead of against me.
Happy days though! And cheers to everyone out there who is still going in the face of adversity!
Much Love!